The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
The Nerd Test
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INTRODUCTION:
All persons are assumed to be initially 0% nerd - up until the time that the Nerdity Test is taken. If someone is asked to take the Nerdity Test and refuses for any reason (especially if trying to preserve their 0% nerd status) that person's score should then be altered to 100% (you'd have to be really nerdy to be that antisocial.)
For each question on the exam that you answer yes - add 0.5% (200 questions total). We recommend that you merely make dashes on a piece of paper for each question you answer affirmatively. Count these dash marks and divide by two.
This is your percent nerdity.
Some questions have examples listed after them in parenthesis. These are to be taken as examples and not an all inclusive list.
ALL technicalities count.
Also, since nerdity is NOT a permanent condition, some of the questions reflect this. Anything labeled "are you currently." "do you know." as opposed to "have you ever." etc. should be taken in the context of when the test is actually being given. Thus, if you know something nerdy now, and forget it by the time you take this test again, your nerdity score will go down.
Please use only a number two pencil. Mark all answers in your blue book. Show all work. A table of useful formulas is included at the end.
SECTION 1: EDUCATION AND KNOWLEDGE
_____ 1. Have you ever taken a "higher" math course? (Trig, Calculus)
_____ 2. at the college level?
_____ 3. and received an A (3.7 grade point)?
_____ 4. Have you ever taken a science course? (Biology, Physics, Chemistry)
_____ 5. at the college level?
_____ 6. and received an A (3.7 grade point)?
_____ 7. Are you still capable of doing things you learned in the "higher" math course?
_____ 8. Do you still know information you learned in the science course?
_____ 9. Have you ever majored in the "hard sciences"? (engineering, physics, chemistry, exclude psychology, economics, etc.)
_____ 10. Have you ever taken Latin?
_____ 11. Have you ever asked a question in lecture?
_____ 12. Have you ever answered a question asked in lecture?
_____ 13. Have you ever corrected a professor in lecture?
_____ 14. Have you ever answered a rhetorical question?
_____ 15. Do you sit in the front row more than 20% of the time?
_____ 16. Have you ever had a "perfect attendance record"?
_____ 17. Do you take notes in more than one color?
_____ 18. Have you ever tutored someone else?
_____ 19. Have you ever done homework on a Friday night?
_____ 20. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?
_____ 21. Do you know BASIC?
_____ 22. Do you know PASCAL?
_____ 23. Do you know FORTRAN?
_____ 24. Do you know an assembly language?
_____ 25. Can you count in binary? (up to decimal 10)
_____ 26. Can you count in hexadecimal? (up to decimal 20)
_____ 27. Do you know Maxwell's equations? (integral or differential form)
_____ 28. Do you know Schroedinger's Equation?
_____ 29. Have you ever solved Schroedinger's Equation?
_____ 30. Do you know the right-hand-rule for cross-products?
_____ 31. Do you know the Latin name (genus, species) for anything? (humans, fruitfly...)
The next few questions deal with physical constants. Mark yes for any that you can give the value (2 or more significant digits) for. Knowledge of the units attached is NOT necessary, just the numeric portion.
_____ 32. Gravitational Constant? (G)
_____ 33. Earth's Gravity? (G)
_____ 34. Mass Of An Electron?
_____ 35. Charge Of An Electron?
_____ 36. Speed Of Light?
_____ 37. Planck's Constant? (H Or H-Bar)
_____ 38. Permitivity Of Free Space? (Epsilon Naught)
_____ 39. Permeability Of Free Space? (Mu Naught)
_____ 40. Avogadro's Number?
_____ 41. Molar Gas Constant?
_____ 42. Pi? (Exception: more than 5 digits for a true answer)
_____ 43. E? (Exception: more than 5 digits for a true answer)
Can you give the conversion factor between (2 or more significant digits)?
_____ 44. centimeters and inches?
_____ 45. kilometers and miles?
_____ 46. joules and electron-volts?
_____ 47. atomic mass units and kilograms?
_____ 48. Celsius and Kelvin?
_____ 49. Celsius and Fahrenheit?
_____ 50. Can you briefly outline the biological processes that occur due to alcohol?
_____ 51. while drunk?
_____ 52. Have you ever interpolated?
_____ 53. Have you ever extrapolated?
_____ 54. Do you know the difference between interpolation and extrapolation?
_____ 55. Have you ever used the word "asymptotic"?
_____ 56. Have you ever referred to something as an L.E.D.?
_____ 57. Have you ever referred to a ruler as a "straight-edge"?
_____ 58. Have you ever said "quartz crystal"?
Which of the following acronyms do you know the meaning of..
_____ 59. RADAR?
_____ 60. MODEM?
_____ 61. DNA?
_____ 62. ATP?
_____ 63. NADP?
_____ 64. CRT?
_____ 65. CRC?
_____ 66. NORAD?
_____ 67. NASA?
_____ 68. .LED? (see question 56)
_____ 69. Have you ever created an acronym in order to simplify your writing?
SECTION 2: LIFESTYLE AND POSSESSIONS
_____ 70. Have you ever used a computer?
_____ 71. for more than 4 hours continuously?
_____ 72. for more than 8 hours continuously?
_____ 73. past 4 a.m.?
_____ 74 on Friday, Saturday and Sunday of the same weekend?
_____ 75. with someone you were physically attracted toward?
_____ 76. for money?
_____ 77. as a source of entertainment? (computer game)
_____ 78. in the last three months?
_____ 79. in the last three weeks?
_____ 80. Have you ever programmed a computer?
_____ 81. to write a computer game?
_____ 82. to write a computer virus?
_____ 83. Do you still own any computer with less than 512K RAM?
_____ 84. Have you ever used a modem?
_____ 85. to gain access to a system you had no authorization on?
_____ 86. to call a government computer? (NASA, FBI, NORAD)
_____ 87. Do you watch more than 4 hours of TV on any given day in the last week?
_____ 88. Can you name more than 5 shows on PBS? (inc.: A&E, Discovery Channel)
_____ 89. Have you ever watched a PBS documentary?
_____ 90. in the last three weeks?
_____ 91. Have you ever watched Dr. Who?
_____ 92. Can you name or discuss the plots of more than 10 Star Trek episodes?
Can you whistle, hum, sing or snap the theme songs to the following?
_____ 93. Gilligan's Island?
_____ 94. Flintstones?
_____ 95. The Brady Bunch?
_____ 96. The Jetson's?
_____ 97. The Addam's Family?
_____ 98. Dobie Gillis?
_____ 99. I Dream of Jeannie?
_____ 100. Do you know most of the words to "The Lumberjack Song" by Monty Python?
_____ 101. Have you ever played a non-sexual role-playing game? (D&D)
_____ 102. since leaving high school?
_____ 103. Have you seen all of the Star Wars movies?
_____ 104. in one 24 hour period?
_____ 105. Have you seen all of the Star Trek films?
_____ 106. in one 30 hour period?
_____ 107. Have you ever owned a pair of Spock ears?
Have you ever read anything by..
_____ 108. Douglas Adams?
_____ 109. Isaac Asimov?
_____ 110. Robert H. Heinlein?
_____ 111. Piers Anthony?
_____ 112. J.R.R. Tolkein?
_____ 113. TSR Hobbies? (i.e. a novel published by the D&D people)
_____ 114. Have you ever read "Innumeracy"?
_____ 115. Have you ever read "Cultural-Literacy"?
_____ 116. Do you own an encyclopedia?
_____ 117. Have you ever read an encyclopedia entry that you weren't researching?
_____ 118. Do you own an almanac? (World, Farmer's)
_____ 119. Do you own an atlas?
_____ 120. Do you own a globe?
_____ 121. and have it on display? (on a desk, bookshelf..)
_____ 122. that has bumps corresponding to mountain ranges?
_____ 123. Have you ever used a chemistry set?
_____ 124. since the age of 13?
_____ 125. Have you ever used a rare earth element?
_____ 126. Have you ever dissected something?
_____ 127. while not involved in a biology class?
_____ 128. Have you ever bought something from Radio Shack?
_____ 129. Have you ever used an oscilloscope?
_____ 130. Have you ever used a microscope?
_____ 131. Have you ever used a telescope?
_____ 132. Do you own a voltmeter?
_____ 133. Do you own any remote controlled vehicles?
_____ 134. Can you program the time on a VCR?
_____ 135. Can you understand the owner's manual for electronic equipment?
_____ 136. Have you ever faxed something?
_____ 137. Do you own a cellular phone? (car phone)
_____ 138. Do you own a nonstandard calculator? (scientific, programmable)
_____ 139. Do you have a slide rule?
_____ 140. and now how to use it?
_____ 141. Do you own a pencil case?
_____ 142. Do you own a mechanical pencil?
_____ 143. and have refills for it?
_____ 144. Do you own a laboratory notebook?
_____ 145. Do you own any graph paper? (quadruled)
_____ 146. Do you own any log or semi-log paper?
_____ 147. Do you own a table of integrals?
_____ 148. Do you play chess?
_____ 149. Were you ever on a chess team?
_____ 150. Were you ever on a math team?
_____ 151. Were you ever on a debate team?
_____ 152. Did you ever try out for a "trivia team"? (college bowl, JEOPARDY)
_____ 153. Were you ever in a science fair?
_____ 154. that you placed in the top three?
_____ 155. Have you ever made a technical joke?
_____ 156. that no one around you understood?
_____ 157. that everyone around you understood?
_____ 158. Do you own a slinky?
_____ 159 Have you ever analyzed a slinky physically?
_____ 160. Do you own a Rubik's cube?
_____ 161. Are you able to solve Rubik's Cube?
_____ 162. without using the book?
_____ 163. in less than two minutes?
SECTION 3: CLOTHING AND PERSONALITY
_____ 164. Do your socks NOT match?
_____ 165. Do you own a digital watch?
_____ 166. that plays music?
_____ 167. that's currently set to chime on the hour?
_____ 168. that has a calculator built in?
_____ 169. Do you have acne?
_____ 170. Do you have greasy hair?
_____ 171. without realizing it?
_____ 172. Do you own any clothing with scientific knowledge printed on it? (T-shirts with Maxwell's equations)
_____ 173. Are your pants too short?
_____ 174. Is your outfit uncoordinated? (have someone else evaluate this)
_____ 175. Have you ever worn a button-down shirt and left the tails hanging out?
_____ 176. Are you socially inept?
_____ 177. Do you have a tough time remembering people's names?
_____ 178. but no trouble with their numeric data? (phone#, SS#, address)
_____ 179. Are you taking this test alone?
_____ 180. Did you NOT go to your Senior Prom?
_____ 181. Did you go stag to your Senior Prom?
_____ 182. Do you talk to yourself?
_____ 183. when other people are around?
_____ 184. Do you talk to imaginary people?
_____ 185. Have you ever found a grammatical error in a published book?
_____ 186. Have you ever contemplated the meaning of life/existence of God?
_____ 187. while not drunk?
_____ 188. while alone?
_____ 189. Do you wear glasses?
_____ 190. Is your vision worse than 20/40? (in either eye)
_____ 191. Is your vision worse than 20/80? (in either eye)
_____ 192. Are you legally blind? (in either eye)
_____ 193. Do you own a pocket protector?
_____ 194. and are wearing it?
_____ 195. Was your SAT math more than 300 above your verbal?
_____ 196. Did you score higher than 1200 combined on the SAT?
_____ 197. Is your IQ greater than your weight?
_____ 198. Is your purity test score higher than your nerdity test score?
_____ 199. Have you asked for a technical clarification of anything on this test?
_____ 200. Have you ever thought of a question that belongs on this test?
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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