The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Sure, it seems easy being a space alien. You've got your x-ray vision, your late model space ships and media coverage galore. But, as usual with most glamour jobs, there's a lot of nitty gritty work the public doesn't get to see. The job can become routine, and even a bit tedious, as we learned when we stumbled upon this intriguing page from...
A SPACE A L I E N S DATE BOOK
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8:15 A.M. Leave asteroid for work.
9:00 A.M. Hover over cornfield on outskirts of small midwestern town.
9:30 A.M. Land in backyard where housewife is hanging laundry Silence barking dog with penetrating gaze.
10:00 A.M. Stun housewife with laser-gun or energy pulsating finger-tips. Levitate her body just long enough to be glimpsed by a passing motorist. Materialize the body inside spaceship. Remove internal organs; weigh, label and categorize. Return most, if not all, to the body. Erase all traces of surgery. Rematerialize housewife in backyard. Turn back time two hours Bid enigmatic goodbye. Leave.
1:00 P.M. Visit once prestigious astronomer who everyone thinks has gone mad. Deliver pep talk. Leave him fist-sized fragments of an unidentifiable element
2:15 P.M. Drop by Whitley Strieber's house, pick up royalty check from best seller. Communion.
3:00 P.M. Hover over southwestern desert.
3:30 P.M. Offer psychotic drifter a lift.
4:30 P.M. Pose for cover of "Weekly World News" with President Clinton. Discuss ozone depletion, space travel, future political endorsements.
6:30 P.M. Back at the asteroid. Introduce psychotic drifter to other aliens. Listen to Windham Hill.
9:00 P.M. Dinner. Eat drifter.
10:00 P.M. Wash antennae, brush eyeballs, peel off outer layer of skin. Beam cryptic message to NASA satelite. Lights out.
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__/!|/\___________/\|!\__
. ._/_/_|\ /\_________/\ /|_\_\_. .
. : ^ !| \/\_______/\/ |! ^ : .
. ^ ! !|____\!_____!/____|! ! ^ .
,__________!___________!|_._._________._._|!___________!__________,
\ / ___________ \ /
\_______/-----! o O O o !-----\_______/
\_______/
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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