The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
A SNOW DIARY
DECEMBER 4 - 5:00 PM-It started to snow. The first of the season and the wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful.
DECEMBER 9 - We woke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub, covered with a beautiful mantle of white. I shovelled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our drive and sidewalk. Later, the snow-plough came along and covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. He smiled and I waved back. I shovelled it again.
DECEMBER 13 - The sun has melted most of our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we'll get more before this lovely winter is through.
DECEMBER 14 - It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to about 0. I shovelled and driveway again. Shortly, the snow-plough came by and did his trick again.
DECEMBER 15 -Sold our car and bought a 4x4 Blazer so we could get around in the snow. Bought snow tires for the pick-up.
DECEMBER 18 - Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway. $139.00 to the chiropactor, but nothing broken, thank God. The damm sky is getting dark again.
DECEMBER 19 - Still cold, icy roads, making for tought driving. Slid into a guard rail with my wife's car. Probably $2,000 damage or more. She's really pissed off.
DECEMBER 20 - Had another 14 inches of the white shit last night. More shovelling in store for me today. That goddamm snow-plough came by twice.
DECEMBER 22 - We are assured of a white Christmass, because another 7 inches of that white shit fell today and with this freezing weather, it won't melt until August. I got all dressed up to go out and shovel that shit again (boots, jumpsuit, jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves, etc.) Then I got the urge to pee.
DECEMBER 24 - If I ever catch that son of a bitch that drives the snow-plough, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish schovelling and then comes down the street 100 miles an hour and throwes white shit everwhere.
DECEMBER 25 - MERRY CHRISTMASS. They predict 12 more inches of the fucking white shit tonight. Does anyone know how many goddamm schovelfuls of snow 12 inches is? To hell with Santa, he doesn't have to schovel this shit. The snowplower came by for a donation. I hit him with my ice axe. The doctors think he'll live.
DECEMBER 28 - We got 11 more inches. I must be going snowblind or have a severe case of depression, because the wife is beginning to look good to me.
DECEMBER 29 - The toilet froze and the roof is starting to cave in. If you go outside, don't eat the brown snow.
DECEMBER 30 - I torched the fucking house and moved to Costa Rica.
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
Return to The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
