The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
NEW COURSES OFFERED AT BROCK UNIVERSITY THIS YEAR
The new undergraduate calendar is out at Brock University, St. Catharines, Ontario, and there are several new additions this year:
ASTR 1F00 Introduction to Astronomy
This course illustrates through a series of slides and diagrams how the sky looks when it is night. Students are encouraged to look up when the sun is not in the sky in order to see how clever the instructor was in knowing what the night sky actually looks like. A history of astronomy, which necessitates an examination of the Inquisition, is overviewed. The expanding universe theory is examined and the inevitable implosion and collapse If the universe is discussed with practical suggestions on what the individual can do when this event occurs being given.
BIOL 2F25 The Human Body
A critical examination of the functions of the body reveal that it is bad to have one since so many things can go wrong with it. Blood is analyzed and it is learned why it is the best possible thing to have coursing through one's veins. Students are encouraged to live off their own feces in order to demonstrate the inefficiency of the digestive and excretory system.
CANA 2F85 The Canadian Experience
A look at the unique social, economic, political and cultural conditions existing in Canada. Special topics covered are: American television and how it affects us; how U.S. political decisions are reflected in Canada; how our reliance on the American military affects our external affairs policy and the American dollar -- why is it worth more than ours?
CHST 4F95 Thinking Faster than your Child
Important issues in child-rearing are discussed. How long should an effective "nap time" be? How to challenge your child intellectually without doing extra reading. How to use your VCR so you can record "Barney" for your child. Methods of measurement in child studies are also discussed -- Where is the best place to make the ruler marks on the wallcharting the growth of your child's height?
COSC 2P95 Advanced Binary
The computer language comprised entirely of 0 or 1 and its practical applications. Socially maladjusted students will find great usefulness in the section of the course entitled "How to talk in Binary."
ECON 3F04 Banking and Money
Topics include: The importance of keeping your account balance above zero, spending cash and how to make change. Advanced Students are coached on how to fill out a deposit slip. The complex issue of why high interest rates are good if you have money and bad if you don't is explained (usually four or five times).
ECON 2P33 Managerial Microeconomics
The application of fundamental microeconomics concepts to business decision making with special emphasis on money and how one can make lots of it. Business ethics and other oxymorons are discussed.
ENGL 2F66 Shopping Lists of T. S. Eliot
The importance of studying the lives of the great incomprehensible poets in order to shed more light on their obscure symbolism has long been understood. This seminar course utilizes a sampling of shopping lists from T. S. Eliot in order to further an understanding of Eliot's work which requires a detailed and intimate knowledge of his life, which, according to scholars, not even he had.
ENTR 2P99 Entrepreneurship
The importance of being able to skip the country in a hurry is shown by a satellite link-up to Kingston Penitentiary. How to open a Swiss bank account without the RCMP knowing is illustrated via satellite link-up to Zurich. Students with $1000 or more to invest at the end of the course are given the unique opportunity to become principal investors in the ever-expanding field of micro-satellites for the home.
EXST 2F30 Dianetics
Based upon the life-work of science fiction writer/prophet L. Ron Hubbard this course brainwashes students who have no friends into giving the Faculty of Education $10,000 in exchange for their own E-meter and a certificate stating they are "clear".
FAPA 2F129 Arts Administration
Practical problems in the operation of a professional theatre or dance company are considered. Topics may include: How to pander to large corporations for money, how to piss off the public by showcasing shock artists whose work has nothing to say, and how to generate publicity by paying outrageous sums of money for a painting whose main function is to "engage a discussion in the public about what exactly a work of art is."
FILM 2F44 Approaches to Film
The incredible importance of film and its cultural implications is forcibly impressed upon the students. The cinema classic "King Kong" is shown to be a re-formulation of the Oedipal conflict with the Kongstger replacing the father figure. Other topics include why "Citizen Kane" is not boring and the step-by-step progress of Arnold Shwartzinegger (following in the footsteps of actor Ronald Reagan) as he makes his bid for the U.S Presidency.
THEA 3F00 Advanced Mime
Non-verbal theatre is demonstrated and students experience first-hand why it is that everyone hates a mime. If there are any students left after the first class they will be taught self-defence and shown how a gun or knife can be placed in a spot that will not only help them to feel safer as they perform in public, but also increase the number of dates they have (men only).
VISA 2F10 Taoist Sculpture
How not to carve a block of stone. Students are encouraged to show how water can be stronger than rock by placing a block of stone in a river and, over the course of many incarnations, create a masterpiece of sculpture without using the crude "yang" instruments of chisel and hammer.
GEOR 4P04 Advanced Mapping
The focus will be on developing the skill of coloring maps within the lines. There will also be a focus on developing the ability, in male students, to read maps -- so that the trip to the cottage takes the usual three hours, instead of six. For female students, color coordination for maps will be examined. Note: English literacy not required. No lectures, no seminars, 1 hour weekly Pub meetings, one essay -- length five pages.
HLST 2F55 The Sexuality of Human Beings
This course emphasizes that the largest sexual organ on the human body is the skin. The sensual massage is demonstrated through film (the lecture hall is always packed full for this class). The issue of sexual harassment is thoroughly, extensively and expansively covered. Special guest speakers talking about their life stores include: a gay man, a gay woman, a transvestite, a transsexual, a victim of sexual abuse and a man who really loves his sheep.
HIST 3F44 The History of European Rulers
A monotonous and endless success of robber baron scumbags devoid of any admirable human qualities are examined. Special emphasis is placed on the memorization of the basic facts such as dates of birth, death and major crimes against humanity. Total regurgitation is required on the final examination.
LBST 3P44 Euclidean and Non-Euclidean Geometry
Non-Euclidean geometry which is not based on a straight line is found to be very difficult to put into practice. The concept that two parallel lines will eventually meet in infinity is shown to be incorrect and based upon the fact that without computers people cannot draw completely parallel lines.
LING 2F65 Latin, Esperanto and that African clicking language
Attempts at formulating a universally accepted language are examined. Particular attention is given to Latin as a "dead" language, Esperanto as a language without life and the African clicking language as a way of telling an off-color joke in mixed company.
MATH 2F20 Non linear algebra and the New Math
The use of numbers becomes completely unnecessary with the introduction of new math. Students must learn a new way of counting based upon the innovative "eigendistenvalues." Mathematical quations
which students formerly considered to be unsolvable are dealt with by threats of "eigendistenrulerlon der knuckles."
PHIL 3F50 The Philosophy of Star Trek
The central problems of philosophy as shown in "Star Trek" are debated, including: Do we all have a dark side to our personality? (there evil Kirk vs. the good Kirk), what does logic do for us (was Spock as logical as he claimed to be?) what is a person?, what is consciousness? (both are shown as facets of the complex "Data debate" amongst philosophers) and how would we know God if we met him? (how
does 'Q' differ from God).
PHED 1P99 Running and Swimming
This is an introduction to movement education. These complex physical tasks are a great way for beginning students of physical education to learn how to properly move their bodies. The importance of knowing where your mouth is in relation to the water is important in the exercise of swimming and teaches us how to kinesthetically know ourselves. The running component of the course shows us how important it is to keep one leg on the ground and solidifies in the mind which leg is "right" and which one is "left."
POLI 2F49 Government and Politics of the U.S.
Who is really in power in America is discussed. How the media in the U.S. give its people the illusion of choice and the semblance of democracy is shown. How the CIA (Cocaine Import Agency) keeps the
minority population under control is investigated.
Note: Students must be cleared by super-secret CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) before graduation.
PSYC 2F29 Personality and Consciousness
What is Personality and why do some people not have one? The importance of labelling someone in order to feel good about yourself is discussed. Consciousness is opposed to unconsciousness with
important tips on how to remain conscious during lectures being given.
SOCI 2P95 Social Class and Social Conflict
Classical and contemporary approaches to the study of social class with special emphasis on the works of Marx. Topics include how the rich capitalist dogs sit upon the backs of the workers and suck out the lifeblood of the people.
WISE 3F45 Introduction to Witchcraft
An ancient and non-patriarchal religion is explored and its advantages discussed. How to cast spells on men and dowsing for water as a natural alternative to city water are shown.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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