The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #1 - Al Martin
Spent a 3-day weekend aboard my boat doing some cleaning up and seasonal fitting-out, plus a bit of beer sampling and duck feeding.
As is typical in Oregon, the weather was miserable --- 3 sunny days with the temp in the high 60-low 70 range. Tough duty.
Anyway, I came across a book I bought a few years ago and thought you'd like to read a few definitions from it. The book, titled "Cooking: A Cook's Dictionary", is by Henry Beard and Roy McKie, a couple of wild and crazy guys. BTW, the word "cooking" is defined as "the art of using appliances and utensils to convert ingredients seasonings into excuses and apologies." That should give you an idea of what is about to follow.
Acorn:
Somewhat bitter, difficult-to-prepare nut widely eaten by the prehistoric ancestors of modern man before language developed sufficiently to include the phrase "Waiter, take this back and bring me a hamburger."
Aioli:
A rich, extremely garlicky mayonnaise made from olive oil, egg yolks, and about a dozen garlic cloves. Its name derives from an old Provincial word uttered by individuals who had occasion to come into contact with the breath of the person who had just eaten some. For this reason, it is also sometimes known in the south of France as "Aiyiyi," "Ooooogue," "Bleuh," and "Aaaaaaaaagh."
A la:
French culinary term meaning "in the style of." Some common preparations that use this prefix are: a la carte (served with a large bill); a l'americaine (served with thinly disguised leftovers); a la bourgeoise (served with a Marxist tract embedded in aic); a la grecque (served by a waiter wearing a dirty apron); a l'italienne (served after a two-hour wait); and a la maitre d'hotel (served at a table next to the kitchen).
Al Dente:
Italian term for the desired stage in the preparation of pasta, when it is cooked yet still firm to the bite. Pasta that has been boiled too long is described, according to the degree to which is has been overcooked, as al gummo, al musho, al botcho, and al garbaggio.
Antipasto:
Italian-style appetizer.
Antipesto:
Fast-growing organization dedicated to the eradication from home and restaurant menus of an overused Genovese sauce based on basil, pine nuts, cheese, garlic, and olive oil.
Appetite:
Irresistible longing for an unavailable food.
Apple:
Fruit used in salads and desserts. There were once hundreds of varieties of apples, but mass production has reduced the number available to a few bland, easy-to-process hybrids like the Golden Delicious and Red Delicious. Other common commercial apples include the Basketbaldwin, a huge, semisoft, somewhat mealy fruit useful for making apple sluge and holding doors open; the Northern Insippen, a doughy reddish globe with a flavor something like library paste; the Macadam or Tarmac, a slightly oily, gritty apple with handy ridges along the top and bottom that make it very good for throwing at dogs; and the Waterproof Macintosh, which has a nearly impervious quarter-inch skin and rubbery flesh that tastes vaguely of Scotchguard.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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