The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #12 - Al Martin
Finger Bowl:
1. (n.) Small dish filled with warm, lemon-scented water in which one bathes the digits after eating food with the hand.
2. (v.) To propel a radish, melon ball, or Brussels sprout toward another diner's plate.
Fish:
It is not always easy to tell if fish is truly fresh, rather than frozen and recently thawed, and since tasting a merchant's offerings is obviously impractical one must concentrate on the seller himself.
Shake his hand. Is his palm moist and cool to the touch? Is there a telltale ring on his pinkie? Does he have one hand behind his back with the first and second fingers lightly crossed in an unmistakable X?
Look him over carefully. Are his eyes bright, shiny, and quick-moving? Are his scales in good operating condition? Does he seem "slimy"? Ask him a question. Does he try to wriggle out of it, or is there perhaps something "fishy" about his patter? When pressed, does he respond firmly or is he slippery? In a word, caveat emptor!
Flan:
1. French custard.
2. Sound made by French custard hitting a tiled kitchen floor.
Flour:
The key ingredient in most classic kitchen messes (hautes messes), including powdered countertop (table a la neige), batter-covered mixing bowls (bols d'horreur), and pan with baked-on glop (pan brule grand-merde).
Food:
Any plant or animal substance that provides nourishment. There are basically four broad categories of food: carbohydrates, fats, proteins, and individually wrapped chocolates with cherry centers.
Food Additive:
Any artificial substance added directly or indirectly to a food product. Consumers periodically become agitated about the several thousand chemicals that find their way into processed foods, but industry spokesmen insist on their safety and are frankly at a loss to explain the growing opposition to their use. Some of the most common additives are: abominine, odiose, noxides, detrimenthyl, disgustillates, malevolene, deleterilose, lethalicin, malignite, inauspicene, atrocose, perniciose, appallitol, gum malefic, repugnate, repellate, despicabylic acid, deplorabate, dilapidase, exacerbene, annoylene, dolorose, woebegene, and phobic acid.
Food Processor:
Powerful electric device with very rapidly whirling blades, used for conducting experiments in culinary physics at home, e.g., reducing a bunch of carrots to their basic atomic constituents, the carrotrinos, or subjecting handful of onions to the conditions that existed at the birth of the universe. The largest food processor in the world today is the Cuisinac, the giant 800,000-volt French machine at Moussy, where scientists have isolated the smallest known food particles, the anti-crouton and the parmeson.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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