The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED!
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered at Turgid University. The element, tentatively known as Administratium, has no protons or electrons and, thus, has an atomic number of zero (0). However, it does has one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass value of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically since it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to one of the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take more than four days to complete when it would normally have occurred in less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately two years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead, undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies indicate that the atomic mass may actually INCREASE with each such reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to condense and concentrate a certain points, such as government agencies, contract laboratories, universities, and corporate headquarters where it can be found in the best appointed and best maintained buildings. Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage. However, results to date have not been promising.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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