The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #22 - Al Martin
Pineapple:
Juicy and flavorful tropical fruit. Pineapples will not ripen after being harvested and are quite perishable when picked ripe. Hence, to be really fresh, they must be shipped by jet from their main source, Hawaii, and the great variation in the quality of pineapples on the market is due to the fact that they can easily become sour and acidic if their flight was bumpy, if they were seated next to a bunch of bananas the whole time, if they had to change planes in Cincinnati, or if the movie was something awful the "The Big Chunk" or "The Blender of Doom."
Pizza:
Wonderful Neapolitan culinary invention consisting of cheese, tomatoes, and other ingredients and flavorings on a crisp pie crust. It can be obtained completely cooked and packed in a flat cardboard takeout package at many pizzerias, but a word of warning: although it is both appropriate and thoughtful to bring a neatly boxed pastry, cake, or dessert pie to a dinner party, it is generally rude to bring a pizza.
Pork:
The meat of pigs, which is available in such forms as roasts and chops, bacon, ham, pork sausage, salt pork, spare ribs, and cracklings. These foods, properly prepared, are absolutely delectable, and so it is unfortunate indeed that there consumption is prohibited to strict adherents of several religions. Equally unfortunate is the fact that for those individuals who, in this time of widespread questioning of traditional religious beliefs, may be seeking some new form of spiritual discipline, there is no known denomination that forbids the eating of spinach, liver, lima beans, coleslaw, fruit cocktails, canned peas, pot roast and rhubarb.
Porridge:
Thick oatmeal rarely found on American breakfast tables since children were granted limited standing in federal courts to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "PUtrid," "hORRId", and "sluDGE."
Potato:
Flavorful tuber that is an important element in western cuisine. Nutritionists dismiss potatoes as low-value food-stuffs despite their clear classification as vegetables, but the fact is that they contain large amounts of potatium, spudine, and tateryl, and depending on how they are prepared, mashanese, chipicin, snacktic acid, fryaline, bakein, lyonnase, dauphinose, duchessein, gratine, and ressolein.
Pots and Pans:
An assortment of variously shaped dents, scorch marks, rust spots, tarnishes, and chips with loose handles and missing lids.
Preheat:
To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish so that the fingers may be burnt when the food is put in as well as when it is taken out.
Preservative:
Any addition to an edible product that increases the life of the food while shortening the life of the consumer.
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
Return to The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
