The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Kook Book Humor #24 - Al Martin
Rice:
Tropical and subtropical cereal grain that is widely eaten throughout the world but is not a very significant factor in the American diet. The proper cooking of rice is generally conceded to be an art, but various cooking authorities agree on nothing else: some say adding salt to rice ruins it, others say its absence makes the rice tasteless; some insist on putting a little butter in with the rice to keep the grains separate, others protest that this just makes them greasy; some claim the cooking should be begun in hot water and the rice later rinsed in cold, others take exactly the opposite position; most argue that rice would be simmered in a tightly closed pot, but there are those who contend with equal fervor that it should be boiled uncovered in a large volume of water; and though a majority dismiss instant rice as a flavorless abomination, a vocal few assert that it is both tasty and convenient. Perhaps because of this innate capacity to inspire contention, rice is traditionally flung at the newly married as an apt symbol of the many years of fatheaded wrangling, pointless argument, and tiresome discourse lying ahead of the happy couple.
Roasting:
The process of cooking a large piece of meat or a fowl in an oven. The two basic roasting methods, high-temperature and low-temperature, produce few differences in flavor or appearance of the meat or fowl, and hence the choice really comes down to whether the cook wishes the roast to be done two and a half hours before guests arrive or four hours after they leave.
Sale Item:
Any supermarket item that, for a given period of time, costs half of twice what it should.
Sandwich:
Credit for the invention of this classic lunch item composed of a meat or other filling between two slices of bread is correctly given to its namesake, John Montagu, fourth Earl of Sandwich (1718-1792), who, as the story goes, wanted a meal that could be eaten without interrupting his gambling, for which he had a passion. But his equally creative betting companions from throughout the royal houses of Europe were apparently inspired by his burst of culinary genius to contribute their own refinements, and they deserve mention here as well: Prince Luigi Pastrami; Graf von Pumpernickel; the Marquise de Mayonnaise; Vidkund Gustaf Smorgasbord; Jean Buffet, Vicomte de Casserole; Don Antonio Saladbar; and Archduke Bakonyi of Lettusky-Tomatoff.
Sardines:
One of the eight items most commonly found in kitchen cupboards at 2 A.M. in the place where the peanut butter used to be. The others are translucent Chinese noodles, sesame seeds, millet, a jar of cocktail onions, a block of bitter baking chocolate, a can of white clam sauce, and a box of flavored toothpicks.
Sauces:
There are, in French cuisine alone, at least 200 sauces, but they are members of two broad categories: the white sauces, like Allemande, Bernaise, Bechamel, Printaniere, Ravigote, and Soubise; and the brown sauces, such as Bigarade, Bordelaise, Bourguignonne, Chateaubriand, and Perigourdine. In home cooking there is a third major category, the black sauces, which includes Burnaise, Chateaufume', Messaline, Napalmel, Pyrotechniere, Vesuvienne, Mondieu, and Sacrebleu.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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