The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #25 - Al Martin
Sausage:
1. Various parts of pigs and cows, such as pieces of, well, sort of odds and ends, stuffed into lengths of, you know, those things down inside somewhere.
2. Ooogh.
Saute':
Classic French cooking technique in which foods are pan-fried quite quickly in very hot oil. To saute' foods properly, a cook must have a large, heavy, flat-sided copper skillet; a pencil-thin mustache; a small French motorcar, preferable a Citroen; a seven-eighths-smoked unfiltered Gauloise cigarette held loosely in the lower lip; an exact knowledge of the location and function of the liver; a prominently displayed medal for some exceptional service to the Republic during the war, such as deliberately teaching German soldiers the wrong endings to irregular verbs; and bizarre political beliefs centering on some novel governmental concept such as imprisoning all cats or giving cheese the vote.
Scales:
Unpleasant, troublesome things encountered on fish and on bathroom floors.
Shears:
Large, indispensable kitchen scissors found in tool kits, sewing baskets, tackle boxes, and toy chests.
Shelf Life:
The amount of time a given product can remain on display in the supermarket. This is customarily defined as (a) the period before it explodes, melts, turns a funny color, emits a noticeable odor, or begins to interest antique dealers; (b) a period of time prior to the point where the English language has changed sufficiently to make its name or the description of its contents meaningless; or (c) that period of time during which the first two digits of the year of its manufacture correspond to those of the century in which it is being offered for sale.
Silver:
Eye-catching but easily tarnished and expensive metal chiefly used at formal dinner parties as an aid in turning the conversation toward the servant problem, the crime problem, and the inflation problem.
Simmer:
To cook a liquid mixture at a temperature just high enough to cause a thick layer of food to become welded to the bottom of the pan, but low enough to ensure that the remainder will be too thin and watery to be used as a soup, stew, or sauce.
Sink:
A stand into which a steady drip passes on its way to a clog.
Skim:
1. To remove scum or fat from the surface of (a liquid).
2. To read through (a recipe) in so cursory a fashion that one does not notice the warning that unless the scum or fat is removed from the surface of the liquid, the resulting dish will taste like a gym bag.
Souffle':
Delectable but very demanding baked dish that is quite susceptible to collapse in the oven. Because of its tendency to shatter the hopes and ruin the demeanor of even the most stoical cook, the souffle' is familiarly known among pastry chefs as the Sniffle', the Snuffle', the Soboise, and the Boue-houe.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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