The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #26 - Al Martin
Southern Cooking:
American regional cuisine featuring dishes like hush puppies, hoppin' john, hominy grits, okra gumbo, chitlins, po' boys, potlikker, and pone. Cooks without roots in the Deep South rarely serve these unique foods, and that is a serious culinary omission since the occasional presentation of an authentic southern meal gives the home chef the option at a later date of announcing an accidentally burned heap of black, greasy, crusted goo as the traditional Gulf Coast treat, Fuddah, Crudlins, Po' Nuff, and Mumble Grunny, with Spacklins and Shmuh.
Spinach:
Incredibly enough, this revolting leafy vegetable has been found to contain large amounts of oxalic acid, a substance that hinders the absorption of calcium and iron and can, in large quantities, actually be poisonous. To counteract its potentially deleterious effects, one can either consume additional skim milk and liver or cut way down on the amount of spinach ingested. (Persons unsure of which nutritional choice to make are urged to greatly increase their intake of fish, a legendary brain food.)
Spoon:
Basic kitchen implement. Spoons of all sizes are used in cooking, but recipe amounts always refer to the standard teaspoon (tsp.) and tablespoon (tbsp.) found in a set of special measuring spoons. Still, many cooks use any odd spoon that comes to hand and determine the volume of salt, spices, and the like to add to a particular dish according to a more casual calculation of quantity such as the heaping soupspoon (tsk.), the half-full ladle (trbl.), and the level ice-cream scoop (trgdy.).
Steak:
A slice of meat from the short loin of beef. The most popular steak in America in terms of quantity sold is a cut consisting of the top loin, the tenderloin, and a portion of flank or tail. This used to be called the porterhouse, but following the considerable increase in meat prices over the last two decades is now more commonly known as the poorhouse, the nuthouse, or the mortgagehouse.
Sugar:
One of a class of carbohydrates present in one form or another in all foods. Common sources of sugar and the types they contain are: fructose and glucose (fruit juice and honey); lactose (milk); sucrose (sugar cane or sugar beets); maltose (malt); and jocose, verbose, morose, lachrymose, bellicose, and comatose (alcohol).
Supermarket:
Very large well-stocked food store that sells both spoiled fruit and the wrong-size flashlight battery.
Tapioca:
The only known dessert that produces leftovers.
Taste:
1. The ability to distinguish between, say, tripes al mode de Caen and chocolate pudding.
2. The critical discernment necessary to choose the chocolate pudding.
Tie:
See "gravy."
Timer:
Adjustable clock that rings or otherwise signals when a particular dish is overcooked.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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