The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A1: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A1: Because everybody gets a turn.
A2: So they know when to stop having sex!
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by "the fuzz"?
A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?
A: One's a busy ditch.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"
... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions Served - just today"
Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q: How do ya paralyze a blonde from the neck down?
A: Marry her.
Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.
Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.
Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby concieved ?"
"He was on top ", she replyed.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH A RUNNY NOSE?
A: Full.
Imitation of a blonde refuelling..
(Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
Q: WHY DON'T BLONDES BREASTFEED THEIR BABIES?
A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.
Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q: What's the difference between a blond man and a blond woman?
A: The woman has more sperm.
Q: Why do blondes wear those sock-like things on their ankles?
A: To keep their ears warm.
Did you know Sherwin Williams has a new paint color out? Yes it is called "blond" Yes its not real bright but it spreads easy!!! tee hee
Q: How can you tell if a blond has been using the computer?
A: The Joy Stick is wet.
Q: What is a blond's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car doors.
Q: What does a blond say after sex?
A: Are you guys from the same team?
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One if the bulb is big enough.
Q: Why did the blond return the vibrator?
A: It kept chipping her teeth.
Q: Why do blond's diets consist mainly of salads?
A: They eat like rabbits TOO.
Q: Why do blondes have a speed limit of 68?
A: At 69 they blow a rod.
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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