The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Encyclopedia of Computer Virus's
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Should you receive a document with any of the following viruses, you must immediately open the window and throw your computer out. I repeat, do not ever again use your computer should it be infected with ANY of these horrible viruses. Here are some "terrifying" new viruses on the prowl.
Adam and Eve Virus
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer
Airline Virus
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back
AT&T Virus
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS
Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS
Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
Clinton Virus:
Gives you a 7" hard drive with no memory.
Congressional Virus #1
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem
Congressional Virus #2
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything
Dan Quayle Virus
Their is sumthing rong with your compueter, ewe just can't figyour out watt.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2:
Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
Disney Virus:
Everything in your computer goes Goofy.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian Virus:
Deletes all old files.
Ellen Degeneres Virus:
Disks can no longer be inserted.
Elvis Virus
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Federal Beaurocrat Virus
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer
Freudian Virus
Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard disk.
GALLUP VIRUS
Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minu s a 3.5 percent margin of error).
George Bush Virus
It starts by boldly stating, "Read my test...no new files!" on the screen, proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
Government Economist Virus
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine
Health Care Virus
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and then sends you a bill for $4500.
Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus
instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then substracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
Jane Fonda Virus
attacks your hard drive's FAT
Jimmy Hoffa Virus
Your programs can never be found again
Joey Buttafuaco Virus
only attacks minor files
Kenneth Starr Virus:
Competely examines every aspect of your computer, then compiles a complex report that discredits every aspect of your computer.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS
Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
LAPD Virus
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense."
Lewinsky Virus:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.
Lorena Bobbit Virus
turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy
Lorena Bobbit Virus:
Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
MCI Virus
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus
MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS
Hard to identifiy because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.
Mike Tyson Virus:
Quits after two bytes. Spits everything out.
New World Order Virus
Probably harmelss, but it makes a lot of people really made just thinking about it.
NIKE VIRUS
Just does it.
O.J. Virus
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.
Ollie North Virus
plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files
OLIE NORTH VIRUS:
Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
Oprah Winfrey virus
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS:
Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, It's programmer will take it back.
Paul Revere Virus
Revolutionary virus doesn't horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack, once if by LAN, twice if by C:
PBS Virus
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money
Politically Correct Virus
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
Prozac Virus:
Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.
Right-to-Life Virus
Won't allow you to delter a file regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Ronald Reagan Virus
saves your data, but forgets where it's stored
Ross Perot Virus
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.
SEARS VIRUS
Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.
Star Trek Virus
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
Ted Turner Virus
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS
Prints "oh, no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort: from the "Abort, Retry, or Fail" message.
Texas Virus
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
Titanic Virus:
Your whole computer goes down.
Tonya Harding Virus
turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons
Viagra Virus:
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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