The Coffee Place's Joke Stack

• If you would lift me, you must be on higher ground.
  
• Advertisement for lawn sprinkler system: "Dew it yourself."
  
• A politician leads an active life. When he isn't straddling an issue, he is dodging one.
  
• The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing yesterday.
  
• Children are natural mimics. They act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners.
  
• A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.
  
• When a man wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince him.
  
• Overheard on the elevator: "Their marriage was going O.K. until they bought a water bed...then they started drifting apart."
  
• Constant use will wear out anything - especially friends.
  
• Have you noticed how, the older you get, the less you expect from life? In Sun City, bumper stickers read: Have an Acceptable Day.
  
• It's only fair that the government is now protecting senior citizens against catastrophic illness. Sometimes just realizing you're a senior citizen is catastrophic enough.
  
• Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it has stopped snowing.
  
• I'm convinced that in a past life I was somebody named Occupant. And they're still forwarding my mail.
  
• I've changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now.
  
• One pound of learning requires ten pounds of common sense to apply it.
  
• To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
  

Changes were last made on 11-20-2001

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