The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
From : Phil Lanese 1:203/111 24 May 96 13:22:00
You might be a Republican if...
* You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
* You've named your kids "Deduction one" and Deduction two"
* You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
* You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"
* You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
* You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
* You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
* The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
* You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
* You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
* You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
* You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
* You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
* You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
* You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
* You answer to "The Man."
* You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
* You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
* You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
* You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...
* You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
* You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."
* When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
* You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
* You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
* You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
* Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
* You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
* You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
* You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
* You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.
* You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."
* You've ever called education a luxury.
* You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
* You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
* You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
* You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
* You're afraid of the "liberal media."
* You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."
* You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.
* You think all artists are gay.
* You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
* You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
* You confuse Lenin with Lennon.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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