The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
In order to cut expenses in general, the three little pigs are in discussions with management. The feeling is that a whole house is wasted space for three pigs, especially three *little* pigs. The house may be converted to condos, with accommodations opened up to various princes and princesses whose permanent addresses are in some doubt at the moment.
The Old Woman Who Lived in A Shoe has been called in for consultation, because although some have cited her for overcrowding, others have praised her efficient use of space and her ability to house so many children in unconventional spaces, an important talent in an age when space is at a premium.
The activities of the Pied Piper of Hamelin, likewise, will definitely have to be curtailed. Although his removal of children from some towns has lightened the financial burden from those towns, lessening the taxes levied, etc., for those particular towns, other towns, to which the children have been lead, have had to take up the slack, with serious challenges to the community coffers. Officials are considering cutting back on the official and paid hours of the Piper, in order to reduce the numbers of children walked to new communities. Although busing has been suggested to cut down on the cost, time/profit studies have shown that walking, even for some hours, is still more cost-effective than busing, especially when one includes the costs of gas, tires, etc.
Although this is an unfortunate time of year for such an announcement, the Heavenly Choir has also been asked to cut down on practice time because of the escalating costs of rehearsal hall rentals. Further, the Choir may be reduced to a group, or a trio, except for major presentations. The size of the Choir was found to be greater than the audience many times in these days, so this should make the whole concert cycle more manageable.
Wee Willie Winkle, by the way, has been in therapy for a while now, and we are pleased to announce that the extra police force which has been necessary to monitor his nightly sorties, can now be disbanded - at a further savings to the community, and the relief of many parents.
Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, has also been asked not to grow any more pretty maids in her rows. It was really tearing the neighborhood down and giving a bad impression to tourists. Mary has volunteered to add pretty boys to the row, to add balance, in order to save her row and end the whispers of sexism which have been heard, and her suggestion is under consideration. Any pretty boys are invited to volunteer.
The recipe for Blackbird Pies has also been reevaluated, and the revised ingredients call for only 2 blackbirds per pie. The other 22 birds will be replaced by carrots, wild Mexican yams, and peas. This is indeed a much more ecologically aware pie, as well as taking into account current attitudes towards animal rights, and enlightened dietary information. It is obviously a cheaper product to bring to market. The vegetarian version will use tofu in place of the birds, hardly noticeable among the vegetables.
We also wish to announce that this year's performance of Fantasia will use fewer Sugar Plum Fairies, and substitute any kind of fairy for the sugar plum variety. The Hippos dancing in their tutus will instead be costumed in oneones to save on wardrobe costs, and their number cut back somewhat. Indeed, instead of hippos, the dance company has intimated they may substitute frogs, known widely for their natural leaping ability. We will keep you informed of any further developments.
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... "I wanted 7 inches, but not one at a time...Snow White
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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