The Coffee Place's Joke Stack


CONTRACTOR'S STANDARD PIPE
&
FITTING SPECIFICATION

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal concentric with hole.

2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout entire length.

3. All pipe is to be of the very best quality, pefectly tubular or

4. All acid proof pipe is to be made of acid proof metal.

5. O.D. of all pipe must exceed the I.D. otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

6. All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can be more readily put

7. All pipe is to supplied free of any covering such as mud, tar ,or any

8. All pipe over 500 feet long must have words "LONG PIPE" clearly painted on each end so fitter will know that it is a long pipe.

9. Pipe over 2 miles long must also have these words painted in the middle so that the fitter will not have to walk the full length of the pipe to determine if it is a long pipe.

10. All pipe over six inches in diameter is to have the words "LARGE PIPE" painted on it, so the fitter will not use it for a small pipe.

11. All pipe closers are to be open on one end.

12. All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as the pipe.

13. No fittings are to be put on pipe unless specified. If you do so straight pipe becomes crooked pipe.

14. Fittings come in all sorts of sizes and shapes. Be sure to specify the

15. Fittings come bolted, welded or screwed. Always use screwed, they are

16. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts

17. If flanges are to be blank or blind, the big hole in the middle must be

18. Gaskets are to be used to fill the space between flanges.

19. Gaskets are to be made of metal, rubber, plastic, paper or some kind of goop...Do not use cow or sheep manure, it cracks when it dries.

20. All piping must be installed with valves.

21. All valves must have an opening on each end with a flapper in the

22. Valves are to be furnished by the kind required as follows:

Ball valves have a ball inside
Gate valves have a gate inside
Globe valves have a globe inside
Check valves have a check inside.
Angle valves have an angle inside.
Plug valves have a plug inside
Diaphragm valves have a diaphragm inside

23. Ball valves are to be used with male fittings only.

24. Diaphragm valves are to be used with female fittings only.

25. All completed piping lines must go somewhere and connect to something. The fitter is required to verify this before turnover.

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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001

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