The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #4 - Al Martin
Bird's Nest:
The nest of a type of Asian swift or swallow, composed largely of the creature's saliva and used as the chief constituent of the highly prized Chinese dish, Bird's Nest Soup. This dish is of interest to American cooks principally for its importance as a weight-reduction tool, since just thinking about is is sufficient to curb even the heartiest appetite.
Blender:
Very handy kitchen appliance used for making sauces and toppings and for preparing large quantities of daiquiris to serve to guests before dinner if a sauce or topping fails to bind properly, tastes like mud, or smells like livestock dip.
Bread:
Many people derive a great deal of satisfaction from baking their own bread, and some psychologists recommend it as a form of therapy since kneading the dough releases tension, the wonderful aroma of freshly baked bread produces a healthy sense of well-being, and the approbation received from family members and friends for serving a much appreciated food builds self-respect. However, some individuals are susceptible to bread mania or rapture to the yeast, and if an acquaintance or loved one purchases a bread truck, interrupts family viewing of television programs with impromptu advertisement for his products, or pesters neighbors for product endorsements, professional help should be sought at once.
Breakfast:
A meal without dessert, eaten without wine, and served on a table without a tablecloth. It is best slept through.
Broccoli:
One of the very few green vegetables that is invariably available in northern markets during the winter months and one that stores always seem to have an unending supply of. For the reason, "They ran out of it" or "I didn't see any" is not an advisable excuse to offer to a spouse who put it at the top of the shopping list. Much better is "Didn't you read the article on broccolosis?" or "There was an accident on the road, and I had the presence of mind to soak the broccoli heads in gasoline and use them as improvised highway emergency flares."
Broiling:
Complicated, multipart cooking method used to give meats a charred exterior and a red or pink interior. There are 12 basic steps to the complete process: spitting, splattering, sticking, smoking, singeing, and scorching, and soaking, sudsing, scraping, scouring, scrubbing and swearing.
Broth:
Soup of concentrated fish or meat stock, and the dish too many cooks spoiled in the old adage from which, by the way, comes the correct term for a collection of cooking professionals: an excess of chefs. Similar terms of interest to the home cook include: a contradiction of cookbooks, a mess of bowls, a panic of sauces, a substitution of spices, a juggle of portions, a tarry of guests, and an astonishment of dirty dishes.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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