The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #20 - Al Martin
Noodles:
Honestly. Nobody, but nobody, calls them noodles any more. Wash your mouth with kir and see "Pasta".
Nouvelle Cuisine:
A child's portion served to an adult.
Nutritional Information:
A series of reasons you don't believe for not eating food you like given by people you wouldn't want to have dinner with.
Oils:
Any of a variety of cooking substances in a liquid state which, when brought into contact with an article of clothing, leave a stain, spot, or smudge. See "Fats".
Onion:
The only foodstuff that causes tears prior to being cooked or served.
Orange:
Although many people eat varieties of this flavorful citrus fruit in halves or sections, the vast majority of the American crop is converted into juice either at home, where oranges are squeezed to yield the delectable fresh breakfast treat, or in processing plants, where the fruit is converted into a number of commodities that are marketed under the following descriptive names mandated by the FTC to specify the amount of actual orange juice each contains: orange juice, frozen orange concentrate, orange-type beverage, orange-flavored drink, orange-colored mixture, orange-like compound, orange-type product, yellow substance, coffee shop liquid, and airline fluid.
Outdoor Grill:
Portable barbecuing stove designed to cook meats over a fire of charcoal briquettes. The chief characteristics of this type of fuel are that it will not light in the presence of wind or the absence of a quart of explosive petroleum or paraffin starter; it emits smoke and noxious fumes only in the direction of individuals standing nearby; and it invariably reaches its peak heating temperature 30 minutes before or 90 minutes after food is placed over it.
Oven:
Compact home incinerator used for the disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.
Oven Mitt:
A partially charred grease stain that fits over the hand.
Oyster:
Sweet, delicately flavored shellfish. Probably the most famous oyster recipe is Oysters Rockefeller, a dish said to have been concocted at Antoine's in New Orleans for the legendary multimillionaire and commonly thought to consist of oysters cooked with bread crumbs, scallions, spices, and butter. In fact, the original recipe was invented by John D. Rockefeller himself, and is far simpler:
*Obtain 6,000 prime oysters
*Have the servants open the darn things and cut up about 20 dozen lemons. (Count the knives afterwards).
*Get what's-his-name to ring up the usual crowd and tell them to hoof it over to the mansion pronto.
*Chill 5 cases of the best Dom Perignon, and 50 of that slightly off Bollinger for when they get squiffy.
*Arrange with Reverend Whoosis to have the shells trucked to the needy for mattress stuffing or for Xmas presents if it's the holiday season.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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