The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #19 - Al Martin
Meal:
Assortment of hard-to-avoid, potentially filling foodstuffs that precede dessert.
Meat:
Basically speaking, any food that is easy to prepare, has a delicious flavor, costs too much, is bad for you, and wouldn't taste better with ice cream on top of it.
Meat Loaf:
Pate' produced by an excessively honest or totally unimaginative cook.
Metric Measurements:
The exclusive use of the metric system in all the significant culinary countries of Europe and its gradual introduction into cookbooks in America require the home chef to have some familiarity with the basic metric terms and equivalents. What follows is a brief listing of the most important:
1 Kilosmidgen = 100 millidashes
1 Decadollop = 10 centipinches
1 Hectodrib = 1,000 microdabs
1 Decisoupcon = 10 hectahints
10 Centijiggers = 1 kilosnort
Microwave Oven:
Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any foods placed within its cooking compartment.
Milk:
Basic dairy product. There are various kinds of milk, including skimmed, evaporated, and condensed, but the form in which it is usually encountered by cooks, particularly in households with a large number of children, is vanished, depleted, or consumed, typically consisting of a quarter-inch of slightly sour white liquid in the bottom of a one-gallon carton.
Mondae:
A vanilla ice-cream soda made with Alka-Seltzer.
Mushrooms:
Delightfully flavored fungi that are much used in cooking. Europeans are avid harvesters of wild mushrooms, but Americans are generally deterred by the possibility of accidentally plucking one of the poisonous varieties like Amanita muscaria, the dread "death cap." This is a pity since there is nothing like the taste of fresh wild mushrooms, especially morels, cepes or red caps, chanterelles, hens of the woods, and some of the puffballs, and, for that matter, the lethal types have their uses, too, particularly in the hand of a gifted cook who knows how to exploit the problem-solving potential of the kitchen by serving such delicacies as Nemesis materlegalis ("mother-in-law's blight"), Dux eradicans, ("bosses'bane"), Infidelis maledicti ("cheater's curse"), and Publicanus toxicanus ("taxman's torment").
Napkin:
Cloth or paper hand towel which, in formal entertainment, is put on the wrong side of the plate under the knife that is only right for fish or in a water goblet placed where the other kind of wineglass should have gone.
Natural Food:
Any processed food characterized by the removal of a few injurious additives from the contents and the addition of a large number of spurious adjectives on the package.
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
Return to The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
