The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #17 - Al Martin
Kettle:
Container used to bring water for coffee or tea to a boil. Some kettles emit a pleasant whistling sound or a tone when the water begins to boil, but even the simplest ones automatically signal that all the water has been transformed into steam by gradually turning black and emitting a sharp, metallic odor.
Kitchen:
Large room with rugged, easy-to-maintain surfaces designed to permit pots, pans, crockery, and other cooking utensils to be thrown at spouses, offspring, relatives, or guests without causing impossible clean-up problems or lasting damage.
Kitchen Cabinet:
Storage area containing items that should have been put somewhere else.
Kiwi:
Insipid, but nutritious lemon-size fruit from New Zealand that became a major fad food after its vivid green flesh made it a mainstay of novelle cuisine. Despite its growing acceptance, it is hardly likely ever to surpass traditional fruits like the apple in popularity, though kiwi-bobbing was reported at a New York disco last Halloween, the fuzzy fruit is given to favored teachers at progressive schools on the eastern seaboard, and in California they say that a kiwi a day keeps the acupuncturist away.
Knife:
The basic kitchen cutting tool. There are several different sizes, each designed for a particular task, and various metal alloys to choose from, but regardless of which type one buys it is essential to "break in" or "season" the new knife immediately after purchase because, frankly, most chefs become too attached to these handsome tools and the inevitable misuse of a favorite one by others causes unnecessary friction. To accomplish this process of preparation, first hold the handle over and open flame, burning it in one or two places. Then strike the blade several times on the sharpened side against a brick or cinderblock until there are deep nicks in the cutting edge. Next, hold the knife by the end of the handle over a cement garage floor or stone patio and drop it repeatedly until the point breaks off. And finally, leave the knife in the sink under a dripping faucet until blotches of discoloration appear. You may now put it in a drawer, confident that the next time you go to use it, it will be in the same condition you left it in.
Kohlrabi:
Curious vegetable sometimes called the cabbage turnip, since it consists of a turnip-like stem and thick, cabbagey leaves. Both parts are edible, but most sensible cooks cut off and discard the leaves, then throw away the stem.
Ladle:
The only thing that is edible in a pot of leek soup.
Lamb:
Delicate, flavorful meat that has never gained much popularity in America, since by tradition it is invariable grossly overcooked.
Typical recipes include Wallet of Lamb with Hot Wet Sauce, Gray Roast in Its Own Sludge, Sliced Blunt Instrument, and Unknown Meatlike Substance with Green Toothpaste Jelly.
Lemon:
Tart, tangy citrus fruit much used in cooking. For some reason, lemons always contain exactly twice or precisely two-thirds the amount of lemon juice called for in any given recipe.
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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