The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #11 - Al Martin
English Cooking:
No one knows for certain the antecedents of the cuisine of the British Isles, but an oft-repeated culinary legend holds that an ancient Saxon shepherd left a lunch of goat cheese in a leather bag in a cool cave, then forgot where he put it. When he came upon it again several weeks later, ravenously hungry, he discovered in the sack a delicate, pungent, perfectly veined piece of Roquefort. Wasting no time, he threw the funny-smelling cheese away, cleaned and boiled the leather bag and ate it.
English Equivalents:
Although American and Britons speak the same language, there are some differences in basic sulinary terms that may confuse cooks using British cookbooks or entertaining British dinner guests. Here are a few of the most common:
BRITISH AMERICAN
Ale..............................Beer
Cold.............................Warm
------...........................Ice
Tea..............................------
Bun..............................Biscuit
Biscuit..........................Cookie, cracker
Crackers.........................Insane
Interesting......................Awful
Very interesting.................Horrible
Really very interesting..........Dreadful
Peculiar.........................Inedible
Such a lovely dinner.............Jeez, what slop
Toodle-oo........................Goodbye
God, I need a drink..............God, I need a drink
Entree:
Dinner course that is traditionally served after the whispers and before the groans.
Epicureanism:
Ancient Greek philosophy commonly expressed in the phrase "Eat, drink, and be merry." It is but one of countless culinary philosophies, including clean Platonism ("Finish it all, even if it kills you"); a la Cartesianism ("I eat therefore I am"); and zen Foodism ("What is the sound of one hand signaling for a waiter in a crowded restaurant?").
Ethnic Cooking:
Any cuisine typified by strongly flavored dishes which, when prepared by a next-door neighbor, can be enjoyed by everyone living in the immediate vicinity without the necessity of their being invited to dinner.
Etiquette:
Formal procedure through which you trick the person sitting next to you at a dinner party into eating your salad while you take his or her bread and butter.
Fast Food:
Bland, limited menu, usually consisting of hamburgers, French fries, and milk shakes, served by cooks whose sole culinary skill is the ability to operate a motor vehicle. See Health Food.
Fats:
Any of variety of animal or vegetable products in a solid or semisolid state which, when brought into contact with an article of clothing, leave a blob, smear, or blotch. See Oils.
Fermentation:
Chemical reaction, caused by microbes, that turns malt into belches and grapes into hangovers.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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