The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #8 - Al Martin
Coffee:
Stimulating beverage brewed from the roasted, ground beans of the coffee plant. Coffee contains caffeine, a rather powerful alkaloid substance, excess consumption of which can results in restlessness, tension, and hyperactivity. If you find that you have a urge to collect your recipes, clean out your freezer, alphabetize your spice rack, or reorganize your pots and pans according to the musical tone they emit when struck with a spoon, you are probably drinking too much coffee.
Colas:
Sweet, carbonated beverages. In some states these and other soft drinks are now sold in deposit containers, but the minor inconvenience of return trips to the place of purchase can be mitigated by combining them with the routine visits to the tailor and the dentist necessitated by regular consumption of their contents.
Complaint:
Expression of dissatisfaction made to a chef or cook, e.g., "This food stinks."
Compliment:
Expression of approval make to a chef or cook, e.g., "This food stinks, but I love your plates."
Condiment:
An accompaniment to food, such as salt, pepper, ketchup, mustard, relish, or hot sauce. Unlike seasonings, which are added to foods in excessive amounts in the kitchen, condiments are served at the table so that each individual diner can put on his or her portion the precise amount necessary to make it unpalatable.
Cookbook:
A collection of recipes arranged in such a fashion that the cook must turn the page just after the point where a thick paste of flour, water, and lard is mixed by hand.
Cookie Sheet:
1. Thin, flat rectangular pice of metal used for baking cookies in an oven.
2. Type of crumb-covered linen found on beds of individuals whose midnight snacks are eaten between the sheets.
Cookware:
Informal term for utensils in which foods are heated. There are many different brands, but there are only seven basic types: heavy/messy (cast iron); clumsy/hefty (stainless steel); costly/silly (copper); flimsy/junky (aluminum); clunky/bulky (enamel); dopey/crazy (glass); and icky/phooy (Teflon-coated).
Corkscrew:
There are several tools of different designs for removing corks from wine bottles, but the ones most commonly found in kitchens are the following three: the Plunger, which propels the cork into the bottle where it floats harmlessly out of the way; the Auger, which, with repeated sharp pulls, cuts a narrow opening in the center of the cork through which wine may be gradually dribbled; and the Stripper, a device with two winglike geared levers and a screw which, when it is sunk into the cork, provides the necessary fulcrum so that downward pressure on the handles will remove one or both of them from the mechanism.
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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