The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
You Just Might Be A Redneck If...........
- Anyone in your family has ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
- You still have an 8-track tape player in your car or house.
- You have a rag for a gas cap.
- You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
- You've lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
- Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
- You've ever had to scratch your sister or girlfriend's name out of the message "For a good time, call _______."
- You have any relatives named "Elmer" or "Jed."
- You view the next up-coming family reunion as a great chance to meet women.
- Your family tree does not fork.
- You've ever been to a funeral or wedding where there were more pickup trucks than cars.
- Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off.
- You have a "Hefty bag" for a passenger side window on your car.
- You get an estimate from the barber before he cuts your hair.
- You've ever driven down the road with your seatbelt hanging out of the door making sparks.
- Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
- You consider your license plate "personalized" because your father made it.
- You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
- You think Volvo is a part of the female anatomy.
- After making love, you have to ask your date to roll down the window.
- Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
- You've ever bar-be-qued hamburgers at the driver-in theater.
- You've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.
- You've been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
- When someone asks to see your ID, you show them your belt buckle.
- Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
- Your mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a highschool sports event.
- You have a brother named Bubba or Junior.
- You consider Outdoor Life deep reading.
- You liked the velvet picture of Elvis that someone in a van sold you beside the highway better than anything you saw at an art show or museum.
- Directions to your house include: "turn off the paved road".
- Less than half the cars you own run.
- The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking Institute."
- You had the tooth pick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
- Your yard has ever been the site of a proposed landfill.
- You affectionately refer to the 5th grade as your senior year.
- The family business requires a lookout.
- Truckers tell your wife to watch her language.
- You don't need a clean shirt to go to work.
- You've been getting gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
- You've ever rolled your riding lawn mower.
- You drove to elementry school.
- Your sister subscribes to "Soldier of Fortune" magazine.
- You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive at the pool.
- You've ever vacationed in a rest area.
- You see a sign that says "Just say no to crack" and it reminds you to pull up your pants.
- You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
- The Orkin man tells you "give up; you've lost".
- Your neighbors have ever asked to borrow the lightbulb.
- You come back from the dump with more than you took.
- Today's dinner was too slow crossing the road yesterday.
- You get your oil changed by your barber.
- Your CB antenna is a danger to low flying aircraft
- You bring a bar of soap to a public pool
- You prefer car keys to Q-tips
- Your wifes best shoes have steel toes
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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