The Coffee Place's Joke Stack

From : Bob Johnstone 1:10/25 Mon 21 Aug 95 08:34
To : Don Inglehart Fri 25 Aug 95 02:38
Subj : RE: TV CHANNEL 5A
I've verified the result of this experimentally, and find that all laws of thermodynamics and Murphy are preserved.

1. If bread is loosely attached, cat hits floor on his feet, then removes bread which hits floor, butter side down. Elapsed time is identical to that of merely dropping buttered bread - which can be calculated by considering acceleration due to gravity and air resistance of bread.

2. If bread is more tightly attached, cat hits floor on his feed, removes bread, then FLINGS it to the floor butter side down. Cat adds sufficient acceleration to bread to make up for time lost due to un-attaching bread, so butter hits floor with the correct elapsed time.

3. If bread is ABSOLUTELY attached to cat, cat hits floor on his feet, then, to make sure that NO TIME PARADOXES occur, cat rolls over on his back, causing butter to hit floor with the correct elapsed time.

4. Buttering a cats back doesn't work - cat hits floor on his feet, then proceeds to wipe butter off on all furniture in the immediate vicinity, starting with the most expensive. (This causes much more damage than just dropping bread, and doesn't involve either a time paradox or a violation of the applicable laws of the universe.) Plus, cat is severly pissed off, and tends to piss on any furniture that he considers didn't receive sufficient butter damage.

Q. If you dropped a cat with a piece of buttered toast tied to its back ( butter side up of course) Which way up would it land?

This is the secret of levitation. Toast ALWAYS lands butter side down, but cats always land on their feet, so the combination will hover just above ground level rotating, neither the cat nor toast able to land.
Paul Matthews
http://www.triton.u-net.com
paulmatt@triton.u-net.com

What? Is this true? Someone please provide me with more facts on this
matter...
> A simple experiment will prove this.
> Which are you lacking: the toast or the cat?
> > --
> > Bill Funk
> > President, ASCII User Group
> > http://www.starlink.com/~ascii
>
> Here is Phisical proof from a Physics Student!
>
> Well Acording to Newtons third law, a force acting upon an object will exert an equal but opposite force on the adjacent object. The cat exerts a force say C on the toast, which in mathematical notation is Ft = -C = ( Mass of cat )x g.
>
> Acording to Murphys law of probabilaty, any event in a constant time frame is said to happen to the inverse of the most prefferable. In this case, we have only two possible cases, P(T = toast) lands buttered side up or Ti=1-P(T) (Inverse probability of toast) landing downwward.
>
> But From our previous metion of Murphys Law, we can clealy see that P(T) = 0( or 0% of it happening ) and P(T) = 1 ( or 100% of it happening ).

> Thus this is an equilibrium problem as there are two forces acting in two different directions namely T and C. If The Air resistance is taken into consideration, and we have that C = T then if the toast is placed only slightly to the side of the center of gravity of the cat then we have a non-equilibral condition. So this then implies a rotational tourqe ( call it t for short ). The t can be calculated by applying the tangental force aplied multiplied by the cross product of the radius r of the cat to the toast. So
>
> t = Cos(theta)x r x ( Aplied force )
>
> But this aplied force is quite weak as it's only reliant on air resistance. But this then presents us with another problem. We have a conflict of laws of phyics and phylosophy ( ie. Murphy vs Newton ) Ienstein in his thesis on general relativety however sshowed that Newton's III law does not always aply to Objects nearing the speed of light. So the only conclution that we can draw is that the cat with the toast strapped to its back will rotate at near light speeds. However, the closer one gets to the center of the cat the faster the cat will have to spin. So the cat will not only spin, but be completely mangled in the process by the fact that Its insides spin faster that it's skin and outer flesh!
>
> The law that cat's also land on there feet is also going to play a part n this disscusion. Whe released, The two forces C and T will simulaniously act opon one another, causing the cat and the toast to iether shoot upwards indefenetly increasing in speed as gravity decreaces the further one is away from earth or hover or plummet downwards. The latter seems the most feesable, with a difference however that it will not stop. The immence rotations of the cat and toast will generate enormous amounts of heat as it comes into contact with the ground through friction and tunnel downwards eventuall reaching the center of the earth. By that time the cat's legs wil have been eroded away and the butter will be off the toast and thus the laws which we first used do not apply any more. So to cat will stop spinning somewhere in the earths crust.
>
> I hope that helps!

Or the cat might eat the toast on the way down. Then land on its feet, and go get some milk to wash the toast down.

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