The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
*** Call of the American Redneck ***
Historically, the American frontier was first discovered at the east coast of North America, then at the west coast, and now for lack of an unpopulated shoreline has moved to the middle of the country. American Rednecks (Off-Rodeous Americanis Rosacea) are natives of the frontier, or at least would like to be recognized as such. They can be found in any of the dry, sparsely populated regions of middle America, typically offroad, at a local watering hole, or preferably at an offroad watering hole.
Rednecks can be recognized by their fondness for wearing the skins and plumage of other animals, and by their distinct call. The classic form of the call of the American Redneck, "Ye-haw," may have originated with traditional Redneck recreational activities, as it is the only full-throated sound that can be made while grinning through clenched teeth. There are several variations, which are conjugated as follows:
"Yeha" -- hinting at more sedate (i.e. undesirable) activities, e.g. "Yore yeha granma is comin over for dinner." (sic)
"Yeeha" -- indicating approval, such as at the end of a rousing country-western song.
"Yeehaw" -- expressing moderate excitement, typical of riding an ill-tempered horse or a four-wheel drive pickup offroad.
"Yee-haw!" -- signifying a high degree of excitement, for example being unexpectedly airborne while riding an ill-tempered horse or a four-wheel drive pickup offroad.
"Truth, Justice and the American Way!" -- this unusual variation indicates either extreme excitement or intense boredom, as at a Fourth of July celebration.
When traveling through Redneck territory, proceed with caution. Rednecks are protected by the Constitution, proud of it, and can be dangerous if approached with the wrong attitude. To avert danger, offer them and their friends a stick of beef jerky and a bottle of cheap beer manufactured in the same state. This technique is almost always effective, though it can be quite expensive at a Fourth of July celebration or traditional Redneck social gathering (see Rodeo).
... funded by a grant from the NRA (National Redneck Association).
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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