The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Title: Kook Book Humor #21 - Al Martin
Pancake:
A flat cake made of batter and cooked in a pan or on a griddle. There is some evidence, according to food historians, that the pancake (in this case, a simple water-and-meal confection) was the first prepared food, and in fact, in the ruins of an ancient (3200 B.C.) village in Crete fortuitously preserved by volcanic ash, an underground kitchen was unearthed which contained a bronze pan, a crude iron spatula, a leather apron with the inscription "Look on in awe, mortals --- a demigod is at work," and, stuck on the ceiling, the fossilized remains of 71 pancakes.
Pasta:
A mixture of semolina flour, water, and sometimes egg, extruded through perforated cylinders to produce an almost endless variety of shapes.
Pasta, both fresh and dried, has become very popular in recent years, and the more familiar shapes --- spaghetti, cannelloni, linguine, ravioli, tortellini, and gnocchi, to name a few --- are the basis for a host of delicious, easily made Italian dishes. There are, however, at least 500 different kinds of pasta, and to give a sense of the incredible diversity of fanciful shapes that exist, here is a short sampling of some of the lesser known types: Gucchi (tiny handbags, stuffed with cheese); Fellini (uneven lengths of noodles with minute sprocket holes, cut at random); Pirelli (little flat tires); Alitalietta (miniature airplanes, filled with garlic); Telefoni (a tangle of long, wire-thin spaghetti); Picopocatelli (pinched purses of pasta, filled with various things); and Autostradolini (a mixture of Fiatti, Ferrari, and Lamborghine, all mashed together).
Peas:
When fresh, peas are among the tastiest of all vegetables, although they are notoriously difficult to eat. In fact, the ability to eat 100 peas with no more than four passes of the fork is one of the exacting tests in the grueling training of the French army's Toques Rouges, the elite paratroopers of the crack Batterie de Cuisine whose mission it is to penetrate enemy territory in time of war to sample restaurants and determine which ones are to be spared. Among the other skills that must be perfected are: removing the cork from a wine bottle in absolute silence with the bare hands; securing a table in a completely full restaurant in five minutes flat without killing the maitre d' or impersonating the president of the Republic; filleting a turbot with a nail file; mastering hand-to-hand combat with a stale baguette; and eating an artichoke while handcuffed.
Peaches and Pears:
Succulent fruits that come in two basic types: those customarily grown by gardeners and bred for their juiciness and flavor, and the commercial kinds selected for their amenability to mechanical harvest.
In the case of peaches, the garden varieties are the freestonek and the clingstone, while those encountered in the market are the curbstone, the pavingstone, and the allstone. Common garden pears are the Anjou, Comice, Bartlett, Bosc, and Seckel; those found in the produce section are the Doorknob, Sashweight, Ballpeen, Pumice, and Sandbag.
Picnic:
Any meal eaten more than 100 yards from the nearest bathroom.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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