The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Kook Book Humor #29 - Al Martin
Wine:
The characteristics of wine of interest to connoisseurs and the words used to describe them are aroma (bouquet, nose, vinosity, fragrance); flavor (depth, earthy, full, subtle); character (big, round, body-rich, buttery, balanced); and aftertaste (length, finish, depart). On the other hand, the qualities given most weight by cooks planning a dinner as they examine the offerings in their local liquor store are coloration (red, white, rose' and other); cost (bite, hit, insult, sting, clip, squeeze); and ability of the label to impress (push, cut, curl, shoulder, lip, mouth, and cheek).
Wok:
Large, round-bottomed frying pan used in cooking Chinese dishes. Several other pieces of Oriental culinary equipment are employed in the preparations of Chinese food, including special implements for stir-frying, Chinese cleavers, cook's chopsticks, and a bamboo brush for cleaning the wok, but there is no need to purchase any of these utensils since every kitchen already has a handy wall-mounted device with a rotary dial or push buttons with which it is possible to produce a complete Chinese meal within three-quarters of an hour in most urban and suburban areas.
Xeres:
Town in the Andulusian province of Spain from which Sherry --- a corruption of its name --- originally came. Sherry is the liquor most commonly used in cooking, followed in popularity by red and white wine, but virtually any alcoholic beverage can add flavor to a dish, and the choice really depends on whether the food is being marinated, simmered, or flambeed, and whether the cook is to be oiled, pickled, fried, or stewed.
Yeast:
One-celled fungus which, through fermentation, converts sugar into two by-products: alcohol, thereby making beer, whiskey, and wine possible; and carbon dioxide, which causes cakes and pastry to rise and become light and delicate. Thus, incredibly enough, one tiny microscopic organism is responsible for both drinks and dessert. Recognizing this awesome power to convert unpromising ingredients into valuable foodstuffs, scientists have been at work for some time using gene splicing, cloning, and RNA/DNA transfer techniques to develop new strains that could, for example, metabolize remaindered diet books into a cheap animal feed; change hominy grits into anything else, even dog food; and transmute creamed chicken into something useful, like tub caulk or window putty.
Zinfandel:
Red wine produced in very large volume in California and available by the liter or gallon in both premium and unleaded varieties. The best recent vintage is the 11:35 A.M., though some people swear by the 9:58.
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Changes were last made on 11-20-2001
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