The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
(by David Parsons)
I took exception to your recent ___ post to ___________________ (newsgroup)
___ email.
It was (check all that apply):
___ lame.
___ stupid.
___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.
Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
___ what you posted/said has been done before.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
___ your post/letter was a pathetic imitation of ______________
(net.personality).
___ your post/mail originated on Fidonet.
___ your post/mail originated on Delphi.
___ your post/mail originated on AOL.
___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS,
or Notesfile.
___ your post contained commercial advertising.
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
Usenet News
Network Security & Standards Patrol
[Insert your address here]
or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR
PUNCTUATION!!!!!
___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission.
___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission.
___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ It was done clumsily.
___ you have a lame login name.
___ your machine has a stupid name.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___
lines of text.
___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line
"Me, too!"
___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]".
___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group."
___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
(In many of your prior articles)
___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
(In many of your prior articles)
___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line.
___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And your newsreader truncated it.
___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
(Mark only if above checked)
___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
(Mark only if above also)
___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed.
(Mark only if above also)
___ Miserably.
___ you included:
(Mark all that apply)
___ a stupid self-quote.
___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
___ a Rush Limbaugh quote.
___ a Dan Quayle joke.
___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
___ USS Enterprise
___ Australia
___ The Amiga logo
___ Company logo
(Mark only if above also)
___ and you stated that you don't speak for your
employer.
___ Bicycle
___ Bart Simpson
Furthermore:
___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ______________
(newsgroup).
___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
___ You are a loser.
___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be
this clueless.
___ *plonk*
___ This has been pointed out to you before.
___ It is recommended that you:
(Mark all that apply)
___ stick to Fidonet/Delphi/AOL and come back when you've grown up.
___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
___ stop sending email and get a life.
___ consume excrement.
___ consume excrement and thus expire.
Additional comments:
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 12-30-2001
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