The Coffee Place's Joke Stack
Blond Jokes
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Like someone else on this BBS...A blond said that she was getting tired of men telling DUMB blond jokes, and promised to give the next man telling a dumb blond joke, a piece of her mind. At lunch time she went to a restaurant with a friend of hers and as they sat waiting to be served they heard some men at the next table telling dumb blond jokes. Immediately she stood up and yelled at the two men, "I will have you guys to know, that all blondes are not dumb, as a matter of fact I am a very well educated blond and have even received a Doctorate degree form college."
Oh is that so, one of the men replied. "Then why don't you tell us the capital of Wyoming?"
She replied Immediately, " That's easy...W!"
Q: What is the only intelligent blond?
A: A labrador
Q: Why can't blondes get drivers licenses?
A: During the test, whenever the car stops, they jump in the back seat.
Q: Why are there no blond ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together.
Q: Why are blond jokes so stupid?
A: So brunettes can understand them.
Q: How do you confuse a blond?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How do you know when a blond has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: How do you keep a blond busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: Did you hear about the blond who just bought an A.M. radio?
A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
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blond: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
blond: (puzzled look on her face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
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Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
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Did you here about the blond that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.
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A blond was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home she drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
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Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blond and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What does a blond say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
This blond goes in to a salon to get her hair cut. She's wearing a pair of headphones, and the stylist says that he can't cut her hair with the headphones on. She replies "No, you have to cut around the headphones, I can't take them off". They argue about this for a few minutes, he finally agrees to cut her hair around the headphones, but he will have to charge her extra. She says, "That's ok, go ahead and cut it".
So he cuts her hair, and although it looks strange because of the headphones, she's happy with it. So a few weeks later she comes in again. Again she wants her hair cut around the headphones. He says, "No way, not this time, this time I'm taking the headphones off". So he takes off the headphones and throws them on the floor. He starts cutting her hair, and a few minutes later, she falls out of the chair to the floor, dead. He wonders what in the world is happening, so he picks up the headphones and puts them on. He hears "breathe in... breathe out...breathe in... breathe out..."
Q: What do you call a blond who dyed her hair black?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do you call a bee flying into a blond's ear?
A: Space Invader
-->Floggings will continue until morale improves!
Q: Why don't blondes take longer than half an hour for lunch?
A: Because they have to be retrained.....
Q: What is the definition of a smart blond?
A: There is none.........
Q: How do blondes answer the phone?
A: Can you help me?
Q: And what's the most dangerous thing to have moving around?
A: The blond leading the blond.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
Q: What is a blond doing when she grasps at something in the air?
A: Collecting her thoughts.
Q: What sound does a blond's door bell make?
A: Bim-Bo
Q: What do you call a blond with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do you get a blond on the top of the roof?
A: Tell her the drink is on the house.
Q: Why aren't there any Dumb Brunette jokes?
A: Blondes can't think of any.
A couple was driving to Miami Beach. The blond guy put his hand on her leg. She said, "Darling we're married now. You can go a little further."
So he drove all the way to Fort Lauderdale.
Q: If a blond and a brunette both jumped off a building at the same time who would land first?
A: The brunette....the blond would have to stop and ask directions!
Q: What does a peroxide blond and a 747 have in common?
A: They both have black boxes!
Q: How do you give a blond a brain transplant?
A: Blow in her ear!
Q: Did you here about the blond that got stuck on an escalator?
A: When asked why she didn't just walk down, she replied " I was on my way UP"
Q: Why did the blond eat chili for dinner?
A: She wanted to have a bubble bath later.
Q: Why don't blondes play frisbee?
A: It hurts their teeth when they catch it.
Q: What do blondes have printed on top of their ladders?
A: Stop.
Q: Why was the blond killed in a pie eating contest?
A: A cow stepped on her face.
Q: Why are most blond jokes one liners?
A: So MEN can understand them!!
Q: Why are there so many blond jokes?
A: Because brunettes and redheads have nothing better to do on weekends!!
Q: Why shouldn't you let blondes take coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How do blondes make ice?
A: With a recipe.
Julie, the blond, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.
The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.
"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.
"You painted the whole porch?"
"Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"
The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.
"Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Q: How can one tell when a blond is a good cook?
A: When the blond serves the poptart in one piece.
Q: How can you tell if the blond biker is an aristocrat?
A: No spelling errors on her tattoo's.
Q: Hear about the blond who tried playing water polo?
A: She drowned her horse.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make popcorn?
A: 3. One to hold the pot and the other two to shake the stove.
A blond was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and
she landed on "Science & Nature". Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Q: How did the blond break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blond die drinking milk?
A: The cow stepped on her.
Q: How did the blond burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for French fries.
Q: Why did the blond ask her friends to save burned-out light bulbs?
A: She needed them for the darkroom she was building.
Top 10 Blonde Inventions
1. Water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat on a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag
This page is maintained by: mark@thecoffeeplace.com
Changes were last made on 05-05-2002
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